The time is upon me. The moment is nigh. I have to submit my first assignments for consideration and marking by my tutor by close of play on Friday.
It is terribly odd. The last time I handed in a piece of work to be marked was at Law School in 1989 and I'm not entirely sure we did much of that even then. Obviously, when I was working my boss had to correct my letters but by the time I left I was far too long in the tooth for that kind of caper and was merrily marking up the work of those junior to me.
And this has an added dimension. Handing in an essay or a letter setting out the legal position is one thing. Obviously there are style issues to consider, spellings to correct but fundamentally the points made were either right or wrong. If I got the wrong end of the stick, they would come back covered in red pen for me to do again. A reflection on my intelligence perhaps but not much else.
This is a whole different kettle of fish. By signing myself up to a course in Creative Writing I am saying either that I think I can string a sentence together in a pleasing manner or that I have the potential to do so. There is no law to get muddled, no sticks to get the wrong end of. This is all about whether or not I have any talent whatsoever. And that is really rather scary.
Now obviously I am on the course to learn. If I already thought I was the next Charles Dickens then I wouldn't have bothered. So there will be plenty of mistakes in my work. But there is always the possibility that I get a seriously low mark and that any ambitions that I might harbour of writing that novel one day will be seriously dashed!
I have to submit three pieces on very specific briefs. They are written and in the main I am happy with them. So all I have to do now is press the button. I have done my dummy run to make sure that I have understood the technology so there is no reason why I shouldn't just send them. But something is holding me back. Partly it is the need to work to a deadline. I have the time still to tweak or indeed completely rewrite. But that isn't it. It's more about the fear of it being metaphorically slammed down on my desk in front of me with a huge D- in red on the front.
I will do it. I will do it tomorrow a day ahead of the deadline just in case I have a technological disaster. But I will be a whole load happier when it is out of my control and all I have to do is wait. I shall, of course, let you know how I get on. Unless it's a D- in which case I will never mention it again!