ONE YEAR ON

My blog is one year old. As is usual when anniversaries are noted, the year has flown by in the blink of an eye leaving me slightly surprised both by the passage of time and by the fact that I have published 87 postings.

When I first had the idea of making a few jottings, I was just beginning to wonder what my life would become when I finally packed my youngest off to school. I was teetering on the edge of a brave new world and was filled with excitement and more than a little trepidation. But I was also hoping to leave behind the place that nine years of staying at home with small children puts you in. I had had enough of that routine as one might expect. But I was also starting to realise slowly that the woman waiting patiently for the rest of her life to begin was a shadow of her former self. A pale imitation, as they say. My self confidence was on the floor and somewhere along the way I had lost the essence of me.

When I re-read those early postings, I see not only a nervousness at expressing my thoughts out loud - an over eagerness to draft my sentences in an entertaining and intelligent way. But also a certain desperation which I no longer feel or even really recognise. A degree of mania that I didn't really realise had taken hold until I was a little further down the road and looked back. As I emerged and my confidence grew, slowly at first and then with startling speed, I started to appreciate quite how much I had changed. It's strange how you don't notice these things at the time.

And now, a year on, I truly believe that the person writing this now shares very little in common with her alter ego of a year ago. Finding my feet, finding my job, finding some true and loyal friends and finally finding the essence of me have resulted in an inner strength which I thought was lost. I have plans and dreams again and I am incredibly excited about the future. Bring it on.